Mayor Quan Resigns!

Categories: Announcements, Front Page, Open Mic

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In a unexpected move, Mayor Jean Quan resigned today. She announced her decision at a hastily called press conference outside of City Hall. Citing her poor judgement, her inability to govern and her lack of interest in City Government, Quan said that “Oakland was better off without me.”

The Mayor issued an apology to Occupy Oakland, noting “You were right all along. I pandered to the interests of the one percent in Oakland; I cut the wages of city workers while enriching Oakland’s most fortunate; I did nothing to reform our worst in the nation police force; I watched as foreclosures and evictions swept through our city, devastating thousands.”

The Mayor went on to decry the “economic violence” of the one percent and the “police violence” that “resulted in the deaths of innocent young men on the street” and “massive lawsuit settlements that might have otherwise aided Oakland’s poorest.”

Handing in her resignation letter, the now ex-Mayor proceeded to grab the tent she had brought with her, march out onto the grass at Oscar Grant Plaza, and begin to set it up. She was promptly surrounded, beaten and finally arrested for resisting arrest by twenty members of the Oakland Police Department directed by City Manager Deanna Santana.

As of today, 4/1/2013, Her bail has not yet been set.


2 Responses to “Mayor Quan Resigns!”

  1. LaborSolidarityCommittee

    There’s also this:

    Holy JESUS: Philly @DASethWilliams announces resignation over comments made during #WellsFargo14 trial

  2. GNUWorldOrder

    The way I’m feeling this morning this announcement from the Occupy Portland calendar seems more believable. Maybe its just the leaden skies.

    The 99% surrenders to the 1%

    When: Mon, April 1, 12pm – 6pm
    Where: Pioneer Courthouse Square 701 SW 6th Ave. Portland, Or 97207 (map)

    Description: It has been a year and a half since the Occupy Movement started calling attention to corporate greed and social inequity, which reinvigorated the 99% to fight back. Though we have taken to the streets countless times and protested defiantly in the face of police brutality, we have nothing more to give. We should throw in the towel and start trying to make our corporate masters more money, and then maybe, eventually, they’ll give us some. It’s time to start dreaming of how you yourself can become one of the elite 1%. Come down to Pioneer Square in your best 1% looking clothes (if you want). Show the 1% that you are ready to be loyal, obedient workers and consumers again.

    Oh yeah and…APRIL FOOLS! But seriously still come down if you can. I can be contacted at, Robert Izatt on Facebook, or @JarmenKell88 on Twitter
    more details» copy to my calendar