An Offer Only a Quan Could Not Refuse.

Categories: Front Page, Open Mic

Yesterday, Saturday, February 22nd, 2014 at a townhall meeting in West Oakland, Mayor Quan revealed part of the truth about the origins of the Domain Awareness Center.

Anyway, Mayor Quan came up to me and said: “When Homeland Security comes up to us with an offer like that ((money for the DAC)) I do not think we are in the position to say no.”

— S from O

 photo selling-soul-quan_zpsd0dc2dce.jpg

And after subsequently combing through 5000 pages of Public Records Request information, we found this transcript from back in late 2011.

DHS (Department of Hell & Satan): We can get rid of the Occupiers for you.
Quan: Yes, yes! Oh please, yes!

DHS: There’s just one, ahem, small provisio.
Quan: What? Anything!

DHS: Your soul.
Quan: I don’t have a soul. I’m a Maoist! Or at least I was. Now I’m a Democrat. Same difference.

DHS: Hmmmm. Good point. Okay then, I see Oakland wants this thing called the Domain Awareness Center.
Quan: Never heard of it.

DHS: Your predecessor applied for funding for it two years ago.
Quan: What is it?

DHS: A panopticon. A control center that will allow your police to gather information about everyone in the City… and beyond. And share it with our operatives. You and OPD together will be able to crush another protest movement before it starts.
Quan: Wait! What? You want me to give OPD more power to abuse? How can I sell that to the people who voted for me?  What will they say when the lawsuit settlement monies pour out?

DHS: We will radically increase crime in Oakland; more murders, more burglaries. Your constituents will beg you to do anything to reduce it. They will never see the forest for the trees.
Quan: Uh, Oh, I don’t know. That sounds… diabolical. Almost… fascist.

DHS: Mahahahahahahahahahahaha. Be that as it may, that is our offer. Accept the DAC and the Occupiers will melt away. You will rule over an Oakland free of tents. The homeless will have to go elsewhere for food. The blood of anarchists… no, no, forget that. We have a plentiful supply of blood these days from the Middle East.
Quan: Sold! Uh, why did thirty pieces of silver suddenly appear in my lap?

DHS: Nevermind. The symbolism module must need a bit of adjustment. Sign here!
Quan: And done! When will I receive the DAC?

DHS: Our technical staff tell us it will be ready for your use no later than April of 2013 – plenty of time for you to destroy your political enemies before the next election.
Quan. The DAC! the DAC! It almost sounds too good to be true.

DHS: ((Aside.)) Well, there are still a few details to be worked out…



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