Einstein For Mayor!

Categories: Front Page, Open Mic

Einstein has thrown his collar in the ring, his leash in the pond, and his id chip in the circular file. Yes, Occupy Oakland’s unofficial official non-human with personhood status has announced, on the steps of City Hall, that he will be a candidate in Oakland’s mayoral race for 2014.

Einstein is the first serious candidate to air his or her platform. As Einstein states on his candidate  website:

  • I will make sure the Oakland shelter is a place where animals can expect kindness, care, and placement in a loving home.
  • Police will be prosecuted for beating and killing innocent beautiful creatures like Alan Blueford & Gloria.
  • All creatures have an expectation of privacy, so as Mayor I will put my paw down and stop the Domain Awareness Center.
  • I will fire many sitting municipal bureaucrats and recruit good staff regardless of race, gender, religion, size, age, sexual orientation, marital status, economic background, educational history, species or neutered status.
  • My staff will not accept the current big fat salaries so many Oakland Police are making. That extra money will go in food and programs to benefit our community’s young brothers and sisters.


A Mayor with three feet firmly planted on the ground and a voice for all creatures, great and small.


The only kind of surveillance I will allow in Oaktown!


Who better to protect and serve?


My motto.


How I will greet all my constituents.


Vote early! Vote often (you can vote three times, you know!).

And vote for Einstein.

For a world of woofs, companionship, and where E will still equal M c squared.


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