Einstein Gets Serious, Relatively. His Particularly Perilous Political Platform for Plutocrats.

Categories: Front Page, Open Mic

Einstein    for    Mayor    of    Oakland!


einstein-city-hall-doorsA dog for Mayor of Oakland?!  Sound crazy?  But the question, as we see it, is not, “Can a dog run the City?”  The question we should all ask is, “Can any individual be accountable for running the City?”  That is, can any individual – human or otherwise – comprehend all the city’s needs?  Can any individual prioritize those needs and direct resources to them in a way that leaves none of the Oakland’s residents – human or otherwise – left out in the cold?

Of course, the Mayor doesn’t run the City single-handedly but, instead, holds that responsibility with the support of City Council Members, an Administrator, Attorney, Auditor, Clerk, and the Oakland Police Department, along with many others employed by the City Government.  Nevertheless, who do we hold responsible when residents suffer from mismanagement of the City’s tremendous wealth of resources?  Is it not the highest elected official in City Government?  This system allows residents to blame the Mayor for not solving the social problems facing the City.

Without a fallible human in the Mayor’s Office, we must all play our parts in determining the route Oakland will take into the future.  Please read Einstein’s Platform and see if you agree that if Einstein is elected, the interaction of residents with City officials – and with each other – will change, radically.  No longer will we ask what the City Government can do for us.  Instead, we will see the way clear to changing the City ourselves, to expanding the power of residents of modest income, to shrinking the power of the rich by establishing a larger and more representative City Council.  No longer will we have a single individual to blame for our problems.  After all, how can a very good dog like Einstein cause social problems?

As the radical changes of Einstein’s platform are made, exploitative Wall St. investment will flee the City, and supportive investment from all over the world will flow in from those hoping our innovations will work and serve as an example for other cities to follow.

The best way for the 99% to control public policies is for the 99% to implement public policies!Voting for Einstein means voting for companionship, voting for loyalty, and voting for the free spirit that animals exemplify.

We must all be the companions of Oakland, and Oakland will be loyal to us!





Planks pertaining specifically to humans


  1. To eliminate the endless struggle for minimum wage increases, the highest compensation for labor of any kind shall be no more than seven-times the lowest.  That way, if the boss wants more money, then the boss will have to give a raise to the lowest-paid employee of the company.
  2. Residents of Oakland shall not be displaced from their homes because of financial hardship artificially created by the Wall St. agents of privatization and gentrification.  Financial institutions shall prove ownership of mortgages on homes they seek to foreclose.
  3. A publicly owned and operated Bank of Oakland shall be instituted.  This bank shall retain and manage City revenues and pension funds.  Interest collected from loans issued by the Bank of Oakland shall be directed to providing Universal Service, meaning that all profits shall be directed to keeping the costs of these services as low as possible and to providing them more extensively.
  4. The City shall be re-districted to create [500+-] electoral districts, each to be represented by a City Council member.  This initiative will provide much greater access to power for residents.  Council Members will be more in-touch with those they represent.
  5. Stronger weapon-control laws shall apply to everyone within the City’s limits, including law enforcement officers.
  6. Those detained or taken into custody by law enforcement officials shall not be harmed or abused, but shall be shown the respect due to persons innocent of any crime.  Detention may be necessary, in some instances, before the conviction of guilt is made, but it must be remembered that detention violates the principle of innocent until proved guilty.  This violation must not be seen as opening the door to further abuses of detained individuals.
  7. Those found guilty of criminal offenses shall not be ostracized or shamed.
  8. Penalties for crimes shall be apportioned according to wealth.  Those with greater access to power due to cultural privilege and wealth shall be held to higher standards of compliance to laws.
  9. Only those found guilty of dangerous crimes (e.g. bodily harm or threats thereof, and interfering with the healthy development of minors) shall be incarcerated while undergoing compassionate diagnosis and therapy.
    1. All others convicted of criminal infractions shall submit to compassionate diagnosis and therapy.
    2. Subsequent offenses shall result in denied access to public goods and services until the benefits of continued therapy are demonstrated.
  10. Oakland shall not tolerate surveillance.  In further adherence to the principle of innocent until proved guilty, Oakland City Government shall not collect data on residents for hypothetical legal purposes, and shall block surveillance by other government agencies.
  11. City funds currently designated for the purposes of surveillance and the militaristic intimidation of residents shall be re-directed to increase the number and compensation of social workers, nurses and teachers.
  12. The murderers of Alan Blueford, Raheim Brown and Gary King shall be brought to justice.
  13. All Oakland Police Officers shall be residents of the municipal districts they patrol.  California laws blocking this initiative shall be successfully challenged based on the lack of accountability police officers currently have to residents they are sworn to serve.
  14. One Room Schoolhouse”.  Schools (elementary, middle, high, and community college) shall be consolidated with senior and child-care facilities.  Greater compassion and empathy will be the fruit of de-segregating the population by age and creating age-diverse community cultural centers.  This will greatly improve the efficient provision of auxiliary services, such as meals, custodial and maintenance services, counseling, and crisis intervention.  Economies of scale will result in more funds available for developing art, music, and athletic abilities.
  15. Health care, housing, education, and insurance shall be re-modeled to conform with the principle of Universal Service, described above in Plank 3.
  16. Oakland shall develop a single-payer health care system.
  17. The City shall convert [1,000 acres +-] within the City’s limits to areas for growing organic non-GMO food.
  18. In order to reduce commercial sprawl, retail shall be consolidated vertically in multi-storey retail structures.
  19. Oakland shall create areas for short and long-term urban camping.  These will serve as alternatives for those who qualify for supportive housing but are – for various reasons – unable to comply with the rules of City-managed housing.  These urban camping areas shall be provided with permanently installed, well-maintained bathroom, shower, and cooking facilities.  Additionally, if some residents prefer to live in primitive conditions, they should have the opportunity to do so.  After all, why should independence be experienced only by those with great wealth?
  20. All City development projects shall be awarded to local contractors.  [“Local” shall be defined so as not to prevent the City from acquiring needed services.]
  21. The routes of diesel transport vehicles shall be confined to Interstate freeways (580, 880, 980) and Rte. 24, with allowance to access only the Port of Oakland and warehouses and industries, which shall be confined to an area bordered by the Port, freeway 880, San Francisco Bay, and the Oakland Airport.  No diesel transport vehicles shall be allowed outside these areas or off these corridors while they are within the City’s limits.

Planks pertaining specifically to animals


  1.  The murderer of Gloria shall be brought to justice.
  2. All dogs with heavy coats must be close-trimmed from May 1-October 1, which allows time for their coats to grow in before it gets cold.
  3. No pet-breeding in Oakland.
    1. The City shall assist humans who adopt animals in need of homes.  This will serve to propagate love.  This assistance shall include: human companion training, veterinary services, short-term boarding facilities.
    2. Animal sanctuary/adoption facilities, maintained and/or supervised by publicly appointed city officials, shall be the sole source for animal companions.
  1.                                           i.    These facilities shall have a qualified veterinary assistant on site at all times.
  2.                                          ii.    Qualified veterinarians shall be onsite for no less than [80+-] hours per week and shall be available for immediate summons at all other times.
  1. Corporations shall not be recognized as the companions of animals, and, thus, shall not be recognized as humans.
  2. At least one day per year shall be set aside as a municipal holiday for animals.
    1. Human residents will be encouraged to assist the animals they care for to participate in a parade of the City’s domesticated animals.
    2. Awards will be given in the form of credits for animal services, e.g. organic and non-GMO food, health care, day care, to all humans who escort their animals in the parade.
  3. One acre of dog park per [5,000+-] humans.
    1. Trained humans will act as lifeguards for the dogs in these parks.
  4. Animal abusers shall not be imprisoned but shall, instead, complete animal socialization training, which will include assisting animal resource providers.







Paid for by the Committee to Elect Einstein (CEE)







I’m Einstein (the live dog, not the dead human), and I woof this message.




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